Yesterday, I had a very small medical procedure. It involved general anesthesia, so it seemed a little bigger than it was. And it involved my uterus, so for some people, it may seem a little more unspeakable than it was--especially if you're a Republican law maker. But even if you're just a civilian, it may skeeve you out a little. Which is why I want to share the experience.
Because it's ok almost everywhere to talk about your history of farsightedness. But it's not universally ok to talk about your history of heavy periods, a common medical problem that I've had. Yet the distinction between eyes and and uteruses is arbitrary, at best. By giving perspective on what I've just gone through, I hope to make it a little easier for anyone else who needs to discuss the topic, woman or man. Note that this post is not going to give medical advice; I could not even bring myself to dissect a worm in seventh-grade biology.
So: I had an endometrial ablation--a procedure that permanently destroys the lining of your uterus. It's a treatment for very intense periods, seriously reducing or eliminating monthly bleeding. (It hasn't been tested as a method of birth control, but you would not have this surgery if you ever wanted to get pregnant.) I had it because my periods, always hurricane-grade, had, a few years ago, risen off the charts.
Chart: "Periods are considered heavy if there is enough blood to soak a pad or tampon every hour for several consecutive hours."
Me: "Where's the category for 'Six times faster than that'?"
After consulting five gynecologists, enduring three pharmaceutical interventions and trying seven months of acupuncture, I decided that an endometrial ablation was the way to go. Although it requires general anesthesia, it's actually a very minor procedure, and it would have been reasonable to do it before trying all those other things.
How minor? I had a wisdom tooth out about six months ago--a fairly small procedure everyone is comfortable discussing. Here's how the lady-part operation compared.
* Site
Wisdom tooth: A cave-like room in a dentist's office on Madison Ave.
Uterus: An OR at the bright, modern NYU Langone Medical Center.
* Equipment
WT: Medieval metal probes, hooks, claws. Plus this wire thing that holds your mouth open. You cannot believe this is how medicine is done in this millennium.
U: A very thin microwave wand pulses away the uterine lining. Also, NYU just implemented a new electronic records system. Had a very pleasant chat with the coordinating nurse about how the software is being developed iteratively over time with input from hospital staff. Oh, and let's not forget the hospital gown, a "Bair Paw," specially designed to keep you warm.
* Procedure
WT: 25 minutes of laughing gas, Novocaine, choking, wrenching things out of your mouth, stitching up the hole and asking if you need more anesthesia. (Hell, yes, you do.)
U: About two minutes to get you on the operating table and insert an IV that knocks you out immediately. Microwave procedure takes 90 seconds. There is no cutting of any kind.
* Afterward
WT: Woozy from laughing gas. Half of face numb for hours from Novocaine, then achy for days from having had a tooth removed from your head and replaced with stitches. Had to keep wad of cotton gauze in mouth for six hours to manage bleeding. Liquids and soft foods only for nearly a week.
U: A little sleepy as the general anesthesia wore off. This morning, on a scale of 1 - 10, had a .5 cramp for about five minutes. No nausea, barely any bleeding. Can eat and drink whatever I want. (Last night, we had ice cream for dinner, with a side of lentil soup, and watched the first seven eps of Girls, season 2.)
* Meds
WT: Antibiotic twice a day for 14 days. Advil every six hours for several days.
U: Advil if needed (so far not).
* Ride home
WT: Q train.
U: Tony drove. We landed a parking spot directly in front our apt, on the side of the street where it won't have to move for a week.
* Cost
WT: Dental surgeon did not take insurance, so paid $650 out of pocket. (Into my 30's, that would have been a devastating amount to have had to come up with. Felt very lucky that these days, it's an amount I can absorb.)
U: Insurance covered most, but hospital co-pay was $650, paid out of pocket. (See above.)
* Worst part
WT: The numbness, gauze, ache afterward. Inability to chew until hole in head healed.
U: Because your feet are really on display in those OR stirrups, did a great job of moisturizing toes and heels yesterday morning. But then had to wear hospital socks the whole time at NYU! Feet never saw light of OR.
(Also, my surgery was scheduled for 4:30p, and I had to stop eating at midnight the night before. I made the fasting a lot easier by eating a big snack at 11:30p and then sleeping late the day of the surgery. Late-afternoon hours of crabbiness from hunger: a mere two.)
* Best part
WT: Able to get immediate appointment. Tooth started hurting on Sun. Called dentist on Mon. Went in on Tues morning and was referred to terrific dental surgeon who could see me an hour later.
U: Scheduled ahead so that Tony could be here to take care of me. He's great in medical situations. Also, the staff at NYU was uniformly friendly and professional.
No doubt, the big differentiator here is the general anesthesia. Without the general, the endometrial ablation would have been done in the doctor's office and would have been pretty uncomfortable (I hate having even a Pap smear). On the other hand, despite the general--which makes the whole thing into a surgery--the uterine procedure was as easy as they come. Honestly, I was most surprised by the OR itself. I'd never been in one before, and it was intimidating.
Final call: in this bake-off for easisest procedure, the uterus wins. May we never have to microwave it again. But if we have to talk about it, let us be as matter-of-fact as we our about our wisdom teeth.
Thanks Sara
I think I am in a similar boat and this was really helpful!
Posted by: Jill | March 08, 2013 at 10:05 AM