SMO Debuts!

Orginally written 1 May 1999

Movies: Entrapment & The Dreamlife of Angels

If Catherine Zeta-Jones's ass is tempting you to see Entrapment, as it did me, save yourself $9.50 and two hours by taping the ad and watching it several times. You will afford yourself multiple viewings of this movie's only highlight (and its only distinctive shot thereof), and the satisfaction of having skipped a big-budget dud.

Entrapment is built on a tower of Hollywood cliches, and is notable only for its exceptional lack of tension. There is the flimsiest suggestion of a plot, no suspense at all, and thudding chemistry between the Ms. ZJ and Sean Connery. Swelling music in the final scene made me gag.

Here's how Entrapment scored on a scale of 1 - 10 in my categories of analysis:

*Gender: 2. Ms. ZJ plays a supposedly clever character, but any strength she has is undermined by pouting, tantrums and the movie's assumption (but lack of proof) that she is too hot for Mr. Connery to resist.

*Race: 1. There are non-white people in the movie, most notably Ving Rhames, but his role was so predictable I thought his lines had been lifted wholesale, without editing, from Out of Sight. I doubt he had to memorize any new dialogue for this shoot.

*Shoes: 1. ZJ wears some non-offensive high-heeled sandals in the final scene (along with a terrible, maternity-like housecoat sort of thing). None of the men have winning footwear.

*Dogs: O. There were none.

To its credit, the movie is not especially violent, and there's more gore in a Burger King commercial than in Entrapment. Along these lines, Entrapment received a generous PG-13 rating, which, for a movie that also had no sex scenes (at all), must be warning parents that their adolescents will be bored while viewing it.

While there is nothing to recommend Entrapment, I have seen many far worse movies. And as Matthew, my partner in movie-going slime, noted, at least this flick is eminently forgettable. Spend your $9.50 and your precious time on a novel; you'll be the richer and happier for it.

You could also invest in The Dreamlife of Angels, a terrific French movie that is worth every penny and every moment. Even with no dogs and a shockingly ugly pair of boots on one of the main characters, this movie really sings. It's been open for a while, so if you haven't seen it yet, do so now before it leaves town. You won't be sorry.